The Monthly Forecast For January 2020

2020 is a very powerful year, from an astrological perspective. January starts us off with a bang, with some planetary alignments that are important. Some highlights include the Saturn/Pluto conjunction on 1/12, that only occurs every 34 years. Then we have the Cancer Full Moon and Lunar Eclipse on Friday, January 10th, pretty much right on top of the Saturn/Pluto conjunction. Wow. I’m going to take them all individually.

From 1/1 to 1/5, we have some lovely, expansive aspects, setting the tone of optimism and faith. The fifth is beautiful, with the Moon in Taurus forming five positive aspects, including trines to Jupiter, Mercury, and the Sun. Jupiter is the planet of blessings and abundance. Set your intention to receive, and to be in flow.

The second week of the month, from 1/6-1/12, is super intense. It’s a very shamanic and alchemical time, if we approach it with the right attitude. If we don’t, it’s setting up to be an FGO, a Fucking Growth Opportunity. Oh, good. The Full Moon and Eclipse on the 10th is a game changer. The Sun in Capricorn opposes the Moon in Cancer, which also then opposes Mercury, Saturn, and Pluto. ( Remember, 1/12 is that conjunction of those two, which only happens once every 34 years). This Eclipse may very well be the most powerful day of the month. How we handle change, and letting go, is what matters. A good affirmation might be:” I fully and freely release all situations and relationships that no longer grow my soul. I walk in peace and harmony. I am only open to love in all of its forms. All else now fades out of my life. “  Saturn has to do with wisdom, discipline, patience, and fear. Pluto has to do with death and rebirth, one door closing, and another door opening. It reminds me of that Zen saying, Let go, or be dragged. Since the Eclipse has the Moon in nurturing Cancer, we are being invited to ask ourselves, what nurtures us? Are we respecting ourselves? What is our sacred commitment to ourselves? Are we honoring that? Are we cultivating wisdom? Discipline? Since Pluto rules the Void and the Kidneys in Chinese medicine, are we trusting our magic, our intuition? Another good affirmation would be: “ I step into the arms of the sustaining Infinite”.

January 12th, with that Saturn/Pluto conjunction, also has Uranus, the planet of radical change, coming out of hibernation and going direct. This is a time of major transformation, for ourselves, and for humanity. Pluto rules the subconscious mind, what’s hidden in the darkness. It also rules the underworld, corruption, bullying and manipulation. Watch for these things to become highlighted in the world, and in your personal life. This can be a time of deep healing. Anyone with planets in Capricorn, Cancer, Aries, and Libra, will be feeling this even more deeply.

1/13-1/19 Venus, the planet of love and compassion, moves out of intellectual Aquarius into heart centered Pisces, it makes it somewhat easier to be gentle with yourself and others. 1/14 and 1/15 are very good. 1/17 is somewhat rough, early in the morning, where the Moon at the tail end of Libra hits Pluto and Saturn, before it leaves Libra and moves into Scorpio in the afternoon. Try not to engage until that happens. 1/19 is very good.

The New Moon on 1/24 in Aquarius is a wonderful day for new beginnings. The 27th is also very good.

I spent quite a bit of time on the most important aspects of this month, because they are game changers. This year has been talked about for a long time. What it brings us depends on us, and our willingness to change, and our willingness to be who we came here to be. It’s a black and white time… a 34 year cycle. I can remember where I was, 34 years ago. I was coming to the powerful and painful awareness about my life. I was 34. I left my marriage three years later, but the clarity that came that if I stayed, I would die, came to me then. Gathering the courage to leap into the Void, to walk away from the known, into the unknown, took some time. But I knew. During this time, what do you know? What are you being shown? Trust yourself. Trust Spirit. It’s a time to free oneself from negative self talk, doubts, and fears. Take the leap into the unknown. Step into the arms of the sustaining Infinite. I can promise you that you’ll be so glad that you did. Blessings, Reverend Judith Star-Medicine



What Matters

This is a pivotal moment in our nations history. What we stand for, what we teach our children, is what’s at stake. Some say that impeaching a corrupt president is a bad move, politically. That, since he isn’t going to be removed by the Senate, why bother. Here’s why. What matters in life is honor, integrity, courage, and compassion. The moment that we decide that forsaking those we have pledged to help is okay, we have left our path. The moment that we accept lying and political corruption as the norm, we have left our path.

What matters is what we want to believe in. What we want our children to believe in. Cynicism is an indulgence that we cannot afford. No matter how exhausting the fight is, a warrior continues on. When you fight for the innocent, for the defenseless, a warrior continues on. Our path is clear. When history records this time, those who choose  fear, denial, and apathy will share the same shame as Germany did, during the time of Hitler. To close one’s eyes to evil is to enable evil. Whatever the outcome will be, what matters on a soul level for each of us is that we chose to stand up in the face of the profane.

How do we define victory? For me, it’s knowing that I did all that I could, in a fearless way, to save everything, the children, the environment, Earth Mother, to keep going. I have to be able to look myself in the eye and respect my choices. Staying on my path, no matter how challenging, is what matters in the end. Never give up. We are an army of light beings. Writers, teachers, healers, we are all that stands in the way of a scourge. Let history record  that we showed others what it means to have honor. That we lit the way, our hearts a beacon, a torch illuminating a sacred path. Do not entertain doubts or fears. Press on, knowing that the light always prevails. That’s what matters. Living from that. Blessings, Reverend Judith Star-Medicine

The First Time He Hit Me

I’m writing this blog for the millions of survivors of domestic violence. There is so much shame survivors feel about having been abused. The culture makes it worse, sometimes. We get asked questions like “ Why didn’t you leave sooner”, or “ Why didn’t you tell someone “, or, “Did you report it to the police.” Another good one is, “ Why didn’t you fight back”? That one’s my personal favorite. The truth about domestic violence, and what leads up to it, is much more complex. I want to explain it, from my personal experience with it.

When I met my ex, I was 24. He was much older, charming and charismatic. At that point, I had no experience with NPD ( Narcissistic Personality Disorder), or Malignant Narcissism, ( a combination of NPD, antisocial personality disorder, paranoid personality disorder, and sadism). One of the first things NPD people do, is called “ love bombing”. They focus on the object of their attention like a laser. They pursue, they charm, they flatter. It’s somewhat surreal, having someone focus on you so intensely. He started courting me aggressively. Within the first month of seeing me, he told me he loved me. He was going on a trip to Paris with a friend. He asked me to go with him. At that point, I had been overwhelmed by how fast he was moving, so I declined. When he returned, he had brought me gifts, and told me how much he missed me. He was married. I explained that I was not comfortable moving forward with a married man. He told me that he knew I was the woman he had been waiting for, and was going to get a divorce. I told him that I didn’t believe that. Within two months he began divorce proceedings. Within four months he had moved in with me. The whole experience was happening at light speed. The love bombing was constant.

Gradually, I began to relax, to trust him. I tried to overlook certain aspects of his personality, the control issues, the hints of paranoia. He started to make recommendations about my wardrobe, all under the guise of helping me. I took his possessiveness and jealously as a compliment at first. It became progressively worse over time.

The first time he hit me was just after we got married. I was sitting on the floor, sorting through some books in our sitting room. He asked me to move, and I was engrossed in what I was doing, and said I wanted to finish up. He casually backhanded me across the face, with enough force to knock me flat. I was in shock, literally. I remember that first time like it was yesterday. I was weeping, lying there. He pulled me up, and into the bedroom. And then the gaslighting started. “ You made me hit you. If you had done what I asked, I wouldn’t have had to do that”.

Let me explain a little about gaslighting. It’s a term used to describe a technique to get someone to question their own reality. It’s very common with narcissists. They flip everything around. In the beginning, it’s effective. When you’re in shock, the switching back and forth from love bombing to gaslighting is a nightmare. It’s almost impossible to process. This is one of the things that paralyzes us. As that continues, the abuse/Love dynamic becomes a fact of life, turning into PTSD.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is neurological. It is a permanent change in the brain from severe trauma. It is coupled with adrenal exhaustion, with a constant hyper vigilance. It’s not something that you’re even aware of, at first. Living with someone with NPD means that you are constantly aware of their moods, and are trying to manage them, just to keep yourself safe. The loss of self is subtle, and gradual. Considering a way out is not an option in the beginning, because you’re still in love with your partner, and initially, the gaslighting is working. It’s all your fault.

This is what most people don’t get about abuse. If they did, they wouldn’t ask the stupid questions they do. They don’t understand PTSD. They don’t understand gaslighting. They don’t understand the gradual loss of self-trust, or the constant fear. The despair.

As time went on, the violence escalated. It became life threatening. ( My ex was violent with numerous people, my stepchildren, the staff in our restaurants, customers, anyone who he was angry with). After twelve years, I knew I had to get out, or he would kill me. I won’t go into details, to avoid triggering other survivors. Suffice it to say, watching “ What’s Love Got To Do With It”, Tina Turner’s life story, was an eerily accurate reflection of my life.

My experiences changed me, yes. They are why I’ve chosen to dedicate my life to working with survivors of sexual abuse, domestic violence, and abuse of all kinds. I try to educate people about the aftermath of abuse, and that healing is possible. I also understand what’s happening in this country in a way that someone who has not been abused can’t. I was married to a man very much like Trump. Malignant narcissists believe they are above the law. They manipulate everyone around them. They are sociopaths with no conscience. People get taken in by them, attracted by the force of their personality, their money, their charm. It’s only their spouses, their children, that are exposed to the truth of who they really are. Being in a relationship with one of them gives you psychic whiplash. I understand the bewilderment of an entire country. The question “ How did this happen to us” has been asked of ourselves, as survivors, as we came to sanity, after years of abuse. I grieve for the country, as it struggles with denial, hopelessness, fear, confusion, and gaslighting. All survivors of domestic violence know this story. And I can promise you, if the country doesn’t divorce Trump, it will only get worse. In an abusive relationship, denial is not your friend.

I stand for survivors everywhere. I stand for the country, and what it’s going through. It’s really hard to look at the truth for some people who have never healed their own experiences. Those are the apologists, the enablers that we’re seeing now. Or, they themselves are offenders. And are abusing the country, as well. It’s one or the other.

For those still in abusive relationships, I understand. Don’t let anyone shame you. Don’t beat yourself up. Try to tell someone who is a safe person for you. Carl Jung said “ I am not defined by what happened to me. I am what I choose to become.” Healing is possible. You are stronger than you know. And despite the gaslighting, recognize that it was never your fault. I got out. You can, too. I’m sending love and light to survivors everywhere. Blessed be, Reverend Judith Star-Medicine