One of the hardest lessons for most good people to learn, is that not all humans are kind. This is especially tough for Empaths, because Empaths can see the potential in anyone. Of course, this does not factor in Free Will, nor does it factor in foreign energies or influences on someone. People who are inherently loving and compassionate cannot project qualities onto others they themselves do not have. They can therefore be taken advantage of, lied to, and manipulated by someone who is personality disordered, a narcissist, or who is an active addict or active alcoholic. People like that play the victim so well that many are taken in by it, getting sucked dry emotionally, financially, or both.
From a spiritual point of view, what is the invitation to change that encountering someone like this represents for us? For Empaths, it may be that it is about having strong psychic boundaries, an ability to accept the unpleasant truth about what we are being shown by someone’s actions. With certain types of people, say, pathological narcissists, for example, denial is not your friend. I can guarantee you that by refusing to see the reality of who a narcissist is, you will get your ass handed to you. Repeatedly. My counseling practice over forty years has had many wonderful people who ended up emotional roadkill because of this resistance to seeing the truth about someone. Where does that originate? Let’s look at that.
There are a number of possible reasons why it’s difficult to see something. One major possibility is that we may have incarnated into a family with a parent or other family member with serious issues. For the child in those circumstances, the emotional survival demands that the child believe that they are loved, no matter the severity of the neglect, abuse, or cruelty. This is a Root Chakra survival imperative. It cannot be overridden by the intellect. Once this energy pattern is established, healing it in adulthood takes determined spiritual work, and a type of ruthless honesty to be willing to hold the original offender accountable, on a soul level. ( This does NOT mean confronting them, or having a dialogue with them. That is an exercise in futility, as souls like that never assume responsibility for the harm they have caused others. ) If that basic internal healing work is not done, we can continue to manifest ” surrogates ” that are similar in certain ways to the family member. Manipulative, emotionally unavailable, outwardly charming so that no one else sees the abuse… We can repeat this pattern over and over, until we heal the original injury. We are not doing anything ” wrong”, when we manifest negative people. We are being given an opportunity to heal, on a deep level, something we weren’t ready to heal before.
Seeing what is takes courage. We live in a culture of illusion and distractions. The culture itself gaslights us, telling us not to trust our own eyes, or our own instincts. The culture is so codependent that it excuses the inexcusable. We are actively discouraged from looking at racism, misogyny, bullying, or sexual abuse, and told we are being ” negative ” if we name any of those things for what they are. Add that on top of the survival imperative screaming at us to not look at something, and it’s a recipe for disaster, from a healing point of view.
The good news is that it is always safe to look at anything, and every moment grants us the opportunity for a new beginning. The only hindrance to healing is fear. And here’s another piece of good news: fear is an illusion that lives in the mind. It isn’t real, so it can’t possibly stop us from our healing. Fear is a liar. It’s the ultimate con artist. We can’t afford to have patience or sympathy for it, that’s why I chose the title for this post, ” Sympathy For the Devil”, a song by The Rolling Stones. Some of the lyrics are: ” Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of wealth and taste. I’ve been around for a long, long year. Stole many a man’s soul and faith. Pleased to meet you, Hope you guess my name. But what’s puzzling you is the nature of my game”.
The nature of fear is illusion. It stops forward movement. It is paralyzing. That’s it’s purpose. It is the opposite of love. Love illuminates. It shines the light of truth on anything it touches. The healing journey is a journey of love, of learning to love the self unconditionally. Radical love, radical acceptance. With this radical acceptance comes the capacity to accept the reality of others, and to not give in to the temptation to make excuses for their hurtful actions. Making excuses for people helps no one. The karma they incur through their Free Will is theirs, and none of our concern. Don’t look at it, keep your eyes focused on your own path, your own growth, your own freedom.
Fear in any form is error consciousness, and we should have no sympathy for it. Not in ourselves, and not in anyone else. Since we cannot change the karma of any soul but our own, trying to figure anyone else’s journey out is a waste of life force. Stay in the present moment, in your own process, focused with laser intensity on your dreams, your vision for yourself. Begin to see yourself through the eyes of Spirit, which is unconditional love. Eliminate anyone in your life who doesn’t know how to love, if they don’t know how to love, accept that you can’t teach them. It was never your job in the first place, not back then, and not now. Maybe part of the lesson is firing ourselves from the job of attempting to teach the unteachable, or attempting to reach the unreachable. Rather, choose joy. Choose laughter. Choose freedom. Choose love. For Empaths, this is the invitation… Loving ourselves as much as we love others. Choose you, and everything else takes care of itself. Blessings, Reverend Judith Star-Medicine