Two New Shipments

I had two new shipments from Peru arrive together yesterday. 50 specimens of Galena on Quartz, (yes, 50. don’t ask), and 6 gorgeous pieces of Realgar. Some of the specimens of Galena have tiny pieces of Realgar and Orpiment, one of the reasons I wanted them. They are primarily Galena, so they will be much less expensive than the pieces with a lot of Realgar. Galena is fabulous as a Healer. I’ve always loved it. So, be on the lookout over the next few days, as I roll up my sleeves and start listing them.

The Gift of an Apology

An apology should really only have one purpose, and that is to make reparation to someone we have hurt. When we offer a sincere apology from our heart, we offer someone a gift. We are seeking, as Dr Nancy McWilliams says “to restore the loving tone of the relationship”. An apology can be a gift for both parties, both the giver of it and the receiver of it, when offered in a clean way. For the giver, it acknowledges the mistake made, and through the courage of seeing the error can come personal growth and change, which, after all, is why we’re here on the Earth Plane as souls. For the receiver it can help to restore trust and intimacy, not only with the person who has hurt us, but on another level it confirms our belief in the good in people. That is what a clean apology does. Unfortunately, often, that is not what gets offered. What gets offered is a quasi-apology. Let’s look at that.

A quasi-apology has one purpose, and that is to restore the sense of well-being to the person offering it. It is a repair of the Ego construct of the person offering it, not an attempt to connect in the heart to the person we have hurt. One of the ways you can spot a quasi-apology, which is really a non-apology, is when it starts out with the words “it wasn’t my intention to…..” That’s a big red flag right there. Huge. Because it alerts us to what is about to happen next. The person is about to explain, defend, and justify their actions. That is a narcissistic defense in operation. Often, the person has a sense of urgency as they convey to us all of the reasons they injured us, AS IF ANY OF THAT SHOULD MATTER. What they are seeking to restore is our favorable impression of THEM, which offers no possibility of growth for them, because there is no true remorse for the original injury. There is just a mad scramble to make the whole thing go away.

The person receiving this kind of non-apology is left feeling conflicted, because they still don’t feel reassured that the same sort of interaction isn’t going to happen again. If the person offering this kind of non-apology has taken no ownership of the mistake made, in a clean way, then obviously they will have learned nothing from the mistake. It can also get worse, because narcissistically defended personalities then move to deflecting or shifting blame BACK ONTO THE INJURED PARTY. I know. Unbelievable.

Here’s what the loving gift of a true apology should look like. Something along the lines of: “I’m so sorry I hurt you. I was wrong. You did nothing to deserve that. I will look at my behavior.” Or, “I am so sorry. I understand why you feel hurt. You are important to me, our relationship matters to me. I am committed to doing whatever it takes to earn back your trust.” This kind of true apology is a gift. It makes restored trust a possibility, because it comes from the heart, not the Ego.

There is never room for the Ego in any relationship. But, since we all come equipped with one, we need to be aware of it, and not allow it to hijack any interpersonal interactions, as it is inclined to do. Relating to those around us from an open and loving heart is the invitation. Refusing to give in to the demands of the Ego is the path of the spiritual warrior. Accepting that we will all make mistakes is a part of that path. Having the courage to look at them, and then GROW from them makes us trustworthy. When we make a mistake, we want to take action as swiftly as possible to make an amends, to do our best to undo, wherever possible, the hurt we have caused. That is the gift we offer, to the other person, and to ourselves. That is the path of honor. The path of integrity. The path, in the end, of heart. Blessings, Judith