Art by Kinuko Y. Craft

Fusion: noun. The process or result  of joining two or more things together to form a single entity.

One of the things I have discovered about surviving extreme trauma in childhood, and working with survivors of trauma for over 40 years, is one of the byproducts of that: fusion.

From a metaphysical point of view, we know that the Soul is eternal. From a quantum physics point of view, we know that time is a construct of the mind, the left brain, which understands time as linear, which it isn’t. In reality, there is no past, and no future. All times and all dimensions exist in the Eternal Now. Simultaneously. When we meditate, and quiet the mind, we step into a direct experience of this. This is the Void, or All That Is. It has no limitations. This is where we create miracles and demonstrations. This flows through every fiber of every living thing. This is the Shamans world, the Mystics world.

In Classical Chinese medicine, we see the Ethereal Soul as being held in the Liver, called the Hun. The Ethereal Soul is the repository of all of our Akashic Records, our memories and experiences over all of our incarnations. It’s somewhat like cosmic microfilm, the Record Keeper. When we die, it ascends into the light, where we will then review our choices, actions, and decisions, a process called a “ life review “. We can then choose to reincarnate to further evolve, clearing Karma. This process repeats itself over numerous incarnations.

We have all lived many, many lifetimes, with each one having different experiences and aspects of self. Each adds it’s own gifts and abilities. Each one offers the Soul a chance to grow, to evolve. Or not. A Soul has Free Will, and may choose to remain the same, go forward, or to spiral into old patterns and go backwards. There is no judgment. Each soul has eternity to do its work.

Now, let’s look at trauma, and what it does to someone, on a number of levels. For the purpose of this teaching, I’m talking about severe trauma, beatings, rape, torture, something that was life-threatening. On the physical level, trauma floods the body with adrenaline, and often results in PTSD, ( post traumatic stress disorder.) PTSD is common for survivors of abuse. It shows up on brain scans. There are multiple results from trauma. One of the most unique and powerful is fusion.

One of the things a near-death experience does, is to rip down the veil of illusion between this world, this reality, and the Void. At the moment of death, or near death, we feel our oneness with Source. We surrender into it. We are at peace. For a soul experiencing extreme violence, there comes a moment of choice, to live, or to die. Since the Soul is not bound by the physical body, it can access all aspects of itself, ANYWHERE IN THE UNIVERSE. If it chooses to live, it can punch through space and time to reach for any gifts, strength, and any knowledge held in its Akashic Records. It is essentially reaching for another version of itself, existing in another dimension, another time, another reality. In the moment of “ almost death”, these two aspects of self FUSE. All of the gifts of both are synthesized. Let’s be clear, these are not two different Souls. These are the same Soul, one version being pulled into this incarnation by the other through direst need. There is an immediate bond, somewhat like nuclear fusion, with a complete integration of the energies of both. This generates enormous power, enabling the Soul to survive. It does, however, create a few other issues. Let’s look at those.

The version of the Soul pulled into this reality from somewhere else, ( let’s call that version Soul 2.0 ) is aware of the immediate danger existing for both versions of itself. It immediately responds to that danger, flooding the Self with courage, reassurance, and power. There is a reservoir of energy that exists now, that did not exist before. After the crisis has passed, this fusion forever changes the individual. Soul 2.0 sits in the background of the consciousness, monitoring the environment, scanning it for any danger. This can often be confused with PTSD, which it isn’t. Others can subliminally feel the power of Soul 2.0, and be somewhat uncomfortable with us because of it. We can feel “ other” to them. Different. Not normal. ( Whatever THAT is supposed to be.)

After fusion, we may not be consciously aware that we’ve changed, but may be aware of other people’s reactions to us. This may begin a process of suppression of the authentic self, in a quest for love and acceptance. The process of fusion is a supernatural one, one that Western culture has no understanding of, but one that all Indigenous cultures do understand. A person who has undergone fusion has gone through what Native people call “ Shaman Death”. It is seen as an initiation, which, when survived, is understood to add abilities and gifts to the individual that weren’t there before. The child is mentored by Elders, who understand what this is, and who nurture it and validate it. Western culture has no model for this, in fact, it is quite the opposite. Children are often shamed, and made to feel like freaks, or told that they are not seeing or experiencing what they ARE experiencing. This invalidation of self is, in my opinion, the worst type of betrayal, the worst type of abuse, because it gets internalized by the child, sometimes creating intense self- loathing or conflict. Healing that is the Heroes Journey. It is the journey home.

I was very blessed in my life to have been mentored by Merlin from my earliest childhood. My abuse began at two, and continued until my offender died when I was seven. Sparing you the gruesome details, which are unnecessary, it is enough to say that those near-death experiences resulted in a very powerful fusion that saved my life. The Soul 2.0 that joined with me in that moment is a warrior, fierce and fearless. The synthesis with Soul 1.0, the Empath, makes for a pretty interesting combination. I can move fluidly between the Empath and the Hunter, depending on the situation. I love them both. They have always been completely integrated. This allows me to teach this level of integration to others, a part of my life’s work.

Self-Love, as I see it, is about acceptance of all parts of the soul. It is about releasing the culture’s distorted ideas about reality, and restoring our spiritual birthright. What comes out of fusion is magical, mystical, and supernatural. It happens on a molecular level. A cosmic level. We have braided two different aspects of the Ethereal Soul together, so that they can evolve simultaneously, mutually supporting each other. If Western culture doesn’t understand any of this, well, so what? They are still busy blowing each other up, and wrecking the planet. Fuck. Them. Stop caring, let go of what other people think, and become who you were always meant to be: Magical, mystical, compassionate, empathic, and loving. Embrace all parts of yourself. You survived. You are a miracle. Own that, and own all that you are. Blessings, Judith