Pretty Good, For A Girl

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the degree of misogyny in the world. It’s 2017, for fucks sake. It’s hard to wrap my brain around the unconsciousness of much of humanity. I took this title from a song written and performed by the renowned saxophone player Mindi Abair. Her skill with the sax is incredible, prompting a number of male musicians to comment, “ You’re pretty good, for a girl”. She wrote the song after hearing that. (Her band is called Mindi Abair and the Boneshakers. If you like the blues, and smoking hot sax, and guitar legend Joe Bonamassa, listen to this chick tear it up. )

I can’t help but wonder what having a penis or a vagina has to do with anything in life. When I entered the convent, I really wanted to become a priest, not a nun. The Catholic church doesn’t allow that. In my innocence, I asked the priest at the convent why I couldn’t become a priest, and celebrate mass like he did. He was unprepared for that question. He said, well, you can’t. You’re a girl. I said, so, because I don’t have a penis I can’t celebrate mass? That makes no sense. He didn’t answer me.

Watching women be discriminated against, objectified, sexually abused, harassed, and treated as chattel has always infuriated me. It’s a sickness in the soul of the Race Mind, as is racism, and has been for thousands of years. Women are still seen as property, even now. Why do women take their husbands name when they get married? They’re not getting adopted. What man would be asked to do that? At social functions, men get asked “ what do you do?” Women get asked “ are you married? Do you have children? “ If the answer is no, a woman is seen as less, in some way. Even famous, successful women often have to defend their choice to have a career, rather than have children, as if it’s anyone’s fucking business what our choices are. It’s crazy. The end of many wedding ceremonies is usually “ I now pronounce you man and wife”. What? Not husband and wife. MAN and wife. What? Really?

Watching the huge number of men being held accountable for sexual assault, like a tidal wave, is not shocking. What is shocking is how many people are invested in discrediting the women reporting their abuse. “ Why didn’t they come forward sooner” is the refrain. As a therapist, I cannot count how many clients over forty years have shared their stories of sexual abuse with me, along with the words “ I’ve never told anyone about this.” Usually accompanied by crying, shaking, and intense shame. But, sure, it’s such a safe thing to share with people. Right. Listening to the men being accused try to defend their actions is beyond ludicrous. “ I thought it was consensual.” Excuse me. Whipping out your dick because you think someone wants to watch you jerk off is no woman’s idea of a good time. (News flash. ) Rubbing on us, groping us, grabbing us, is not consensual. Rape is not consensual. And despite what some deluded people think, being in a relationship with someone does not prevent you from being raped by your partner. ( One celebrity PR person said this week that a famous actor didn’t rape his girlfriend, because they were in a relationship. So, it wasn’t rape. Even though she was unconscious, from him allegedly drugging her drink.)

The doctor overseeing the teens on the U.S. Olympic gymnastic team has been accused of sexually abusing 125 teens, the youngest was 12. He’s very sorry, though. He’s pleaded guilty.

The male entitlement to access to women’s bodies is beyond belief. We have a president who is on tape openly bragging about grabbing women by the pussy. What a disgusting pervert. And people still voted for him.

Women have had to fight for every human right. The right to vote, the right to have reproductive control over our own bodies. Control over our own money, our own property.

Enough. It’s time for this travesty to end. No one owns us. We are amazing souls on our own journey. We are not defined by our uterus, our boobs, our looks, our ass, any of it. We are defined by our hearts, our capacity to love, and our brilliance at whatever the fuck we choose to do. The next time someone says, are you married? Do you have children? Or, that’s pretty good, for a girl, laugh. Then turn your back and walk away. Or, say, hey, I was just thinking, your capacity for speech is pretty good, for an asshole. But, that’s just me. Blessings, Judith

Wherever You Stand


One of my favorite Rumi quotes is “Wherever you stand, be the soul of that place.” Now, more than ever, that’s true. Being kind is simple. Being compassionate is effortless. Being love is always the right choice. This does not mean we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of, or to be abused. Having self-respect and boundaries is an aspect of self-love. That’s essential. Yet, in every moment we can pause. We can maintain our dignity while doing whatever boundary work is necessary, even while walking away from people, places, and things that are harmful or destructive.

We never have to be cruel. We never have to diminish another as we go about our own evolution here. Any relationships I have found it necessary to terminate, I have terminated with an explanation, including my divorce from my ex. Being battered physically and emotionally was excruciating, yet I still found a way to be kind in my goodbye. I understood his mental illness. I understood I would likely die if I stayed.

Even with narcissism at an all-time high, there are still heroes everywhere. Even with the nightmare stories of sexual abuse flooding the news, I know for a fact that there are loving, caring men out there that would never do such things. I’m married to one of them. So it’s up to us, the kind people, the loving people, the empathic people, to be the soul of whatever place we find ourselves in. To choose to believe in good over evil, and that goodness will always prevail.

Be the light the world so desperately needs right now. Be kind to a child, an animal, a stranger, a friend, whenever possible. If someone makes it impossible, fine, walk away and don’t look back. Don’t be hurt by it, it has nothing to do with you. Keep being love. Because that’s what’s authentic in each of us. It’s that simple. Wherever you stand, be the soul of that place. Somebody has to, right? It may as well be you. Because you know how to do it. Me, too. We rock. Blessings, Judith


This has been a rough week. We lost our beloved German Shepherd, Elvis, on Monday to degenerative spinal myelopathy, something that shepherds are prone to. In fact, this is the fourth dog we’ve lost to this. It’s a terrible way to die. We are grieving. For many of us, our animals are family members that we deeply love. I’ve always said that animals love us the way we always deserved to be loved… unconditionally. This was a shock for us, as it happened very suddenly. We have not recovered yet.

I have been blessed to journey with some of the most incredible souls you could imagine. Their heart, consciousness, honor, and empathy has supported me through good times and bad. My horse, my dogs, my cats, all of them amazing beings. Every loss leaves a hole, even though we know we will outlive them, it’s still so painful when they go. We can take some small comfort in knowing how happy they were with us, how much we loved them, and the quality of life they had with us.

I thank my family and friends for their love and support, as well as the many clients who knew and loved Elvis. He was in a class by himself. We miss you, dude. Thanks for choosing us. You were the best. We love you. Your family.