What To Do When You’re Triggered: Tips For Self-Care

Will Cook Photography

With all the reports of sexual assault in the news, on social media, everywhere, survivors find ourselves being constantly triggered. Any survivor of sexual or physical trauma has some level of PTSD. Anything reminding you of your experience can trigger a fight or flight rush of adrenaline, leaving you nauseated and shaky. Sweating, rapid heartbeat, anxiety, or feelings of grief or rage may come up. What adds to this is the onslaught of the interviews with the enablers and deniers, the defenders of the perpetrators. This is one more huge trigger for those who have been violated, and either silenced, or attacked for speaking about it. Here are some things that we can do to help ourselves get through this.

1). Surround yourself with safe people who love and believe you. We all need a support system at times like these.

2). If you love nature, get outside for a few minutes. Breathe. Ground yourself in the moment. Connect to the trees, the sky, a pond or a river. Breathe again.

3). Hug your dog, cat, hamster, or something living that is not human. ( Sometimes we need a little break from humanity.)

4). Connect to whatever works for you in terms of your definition of “ Source” . Whether it’s God, Spirit, the Divine, connect to that feeling of Infinite love and Infinite wisdom. Feel it.

5). If you do affirmations, a good one might be “ In every moment I am surrounded and protected by Spirit. I am restored to wholeness. My Divine Blueprint can never be tampered with by anyone. It is eternally mine, created in Divine perfection. I am at peace. “  Or, “ No one can steal my serenity. My destiny is mine to create. I am a warrior. I am a Phoenix, rising from the ashes of the past. I am strong. I am proud of myself for surviving. “

6). This one is important. Stay away from narcissists right now. Don’t open yourself to people with no empathy. If your natural shields are lower than usual, avoid them like the plague. They’ll only make things worse. They can’t help it, they’re assholes. Do not get into an argument on social media with an enabler, it will retraumatize you.

7). If music helps you, as it does me, play music that inspires you, uplifts you, or makes you believe in yourself. I love Sia, “ Alive” is a great anthem. Queen’s “ We Are The Champions “ is another good one.

8). If you love rocks, like I do, then Rose Quartz to heal the heart, Smokey Quartz for grounding, Amethyst for faith and serenity.

9). Any kind of exercise, a walk, yoga, Pilates, can slow down the adrenaline storm going on in your body. Acupuncture, Acupressure, Qi Gong, Tai Qi, all of it helps. Avoid caffeine and other stimulants.

Above all, be kind to yourself. You have survived something terrible, something I would never wish on anyone, and you’re still here. Offenders are sick, evil, twisted souls that prey on the innocent. One of the hardest things, in my opinion, is to have been abused, and to see no justice carried out for the offenders. Watching them walk away whistling, while we have to rebuild our lives from the flaming wreckage they created feels spectacularly unfair. And it is. That’s true. But here’s what’s also true. We’re permanently changed by trauma, yes. Trauma peels you down to the core of who you are, and at our core is our divinity, our magic, our strength. That’s what’s true. That’s what’s real. And these fuckers will never touch that part. They have no soul. They are imposters faking their way through life. Always afraid of being found out. In the meantime, we get stronger and stronger, becoming so bright that people are going to need sunglasses just to look at us. They haven’t diminished us. Far from it. They’ve turned us into cosmic badasses that are their worst nightmare. Justice? That became our middle name. And we’re legion, an army of Healers, teachers, lawyers, activists, who have forgotten nothing. Expect us.

Remember who you are. You are love. You are light. You are fierce. I love you all. I’m proud of you. Blessings, Judith

*** Thanks to Will Cook Photography for permission to use his photos. Love you, dude.

Republicans, Misogyny, And The Assault On Women

The ongoing assault on women in this country has been taken to a whole new level since Trump, the ultimate misogynist, the Narcissist-In-Chief, took office. This seems to have unleashed the vitriolic hatred the Republican Party has always harbored towards women, and turned it into a tsunami. As Professor Ford has come forward with her experience of being sexually assaulted by Brett Kavanaugh, the Republican Party has circled the wagons, attempting to smear the reputation of a survivor of a vicious assault, much along the lines of what they did to Professor Anita Hill all those years ago. Let’s take a look at what drives them.

Years ago, there was a wonderful book written by a psychiatrist, Dr Susan Forward, “ Men Who Hate Women, And The Women Who Love Them”. ( By the way, this is a must read for anyone confused about why such a large percentage of white women vote Republican every election. ) It speaks about men with an unhealed mother wound, men who expect women to mother them, and if that need isn’t met, transfer their volcanic rage onto their partner in numerous ways. Women get punished ( verbally, emotionally, or physically) for not being the mommy the man never had. Dr Forward addresses the malignant narcissism of the misogynist, with helpful examples. I believe the Republican Party of today is a Party of malignant narcissists that actively hates women, including the female members of the Party, who have internalized the pervasive cultural message.

I also believe that their assault on the reproductive rights of women, besides being a religious war they are waging, is a subconscious drive to force all women to become mothers. The mothers they always wanted. To them, women have no value other than that. If women are powerful, the misogyny gets ramped up. How dare we expect to be treated as equals? We saw this in living color as Secretary Clinton ran for president.

If we look at the statistics on sexual abuse and domestic violence, the numbers are staggering. What happened to Dr Ford that night at a party when she was 15 is unfortunately the norm, not at all unusual. 3 out of 5 women have been sexually abused. Every single woman I know has been sexually harassed in her lifetime. I don’t know one who hasn’t been. Most women never tell anyone. Why would we? At this moment, over 100,000 rape kits around the country sit on shelves, evidence of rapes never investigated or prosecuted. They are forensic evidence of a crime, where the crime scene was the woman’s body. Not investigated. Can you think of any other types of crimes, burglary, murder, robbery, that go uninvestigated for decades? No? Me, either.

There is a disease of the soul in our culture today, a rot, that needs to be named, rooted out, and healed. It is misogyny coupled with malignant narcissism, where we have a political party in power that has hijacked the rest of the country, creating the same dynamic as an ongoing domestic abuse situation. America has become a battered spouse, with Republicans as the offenders, doing all the things offenders do; gaslighting, lying, making promises they don’t keep, and the country keeps hoping the offenders will change. Here’s a news flash for you: They won’t. They can’t. Their rage is too deeply seated. Our only solution is to divorce them.

I’m urging women everywhere to watch how these men are treating Dr Ford. It’s ugly, it’s sneaky, it’s dishonest. This is who they are. This is how they really feel about all of us. I know it hurts, but it’s true. In November, we can stand with women everywhere. We are strong. We can come together, and refuse to be abused any longer. Vote them out. Take their power away. Say no to abuse. I believe the country has a severe case of PTSD, at this point. Abuse does that. It’s fucking exhausting. Let’s get them out of office and start over, with empathy and kindness for all. This is a travesty. I stand with Dr Ford, and all survivors everywhere. I stand for women. I stand for the voiceless, too frightened to speak about their abuse. I always have, and always will. We will not be silenced. We will not be a party to our own diminishment. Not on my watch. In November, we’re coming for you. You know that saying, Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? Get ready. We are the storm. The thunder. The lightning. Republicans have scorned us for decades. This is their Karma. Expect us. This is our moment of emancipation. It’s going to be a thing of beauty. Blessings, Rev Judith Star-Medicine

Listen

There is really only one voice worth listening to, and that voice is the voice of the Divine within each of us. Our mind is like an annoying, persistent buzz, analyzing situations and presenting random solutions as fast as it can calculate them. None of those factor in the limitless possibilities of the universe. The moment we give our power away to mind, we’re screwed. Our miracle is delayed. The only thing worth trusting is our Soul, our divinity, our essence. Link to that. Breathe. Listen. Let Mind go, just for a few minutes. Feel. Surrender. Open your heart to the universe, and watch your miracles unfold. One of my favorite affirmations, ( It may be from Catherine Ponder) is “ In my life, miracles follow miracles, and God’s blessings never cease.” Today is a new day. On tomorrow’s New Moon, let’s all remind ourselves to discipline mind, and restore it to its rightful place as a trusted servant, not a relentless bully trying to run the show. What a relief that would be. Let your Soul drive. It knows the way. Blessings, Judith