The definition of forgiveness is as follows: Absolution. Amnesty. Pardon. Many people in the New Age movement and in a few religions claim that for a person to heal, they must forgive. The word itself has it’s origins in religious beliefs dating back to the 12th century. I find this belief to be tainted with both ego and judgement. Who are we, in the Cosmic scheme of things, to believe that we have the authority to grant any soul Karmic absolution? To wipe the slate clean for them? Isn’t that up to the Creator? It does not factor in Karmic Law or Free Will at all. How have people come to believe that for someone to release trauma, grief, and pain, and achieve deep peace, they must focus on the choices of OTHERS, must grant OTHERS pardon, or amnesty, or absolution, to return to wholeness?
I think people often confuse forgiveness with letting go. Releasing the pain, grief, hurt. Letting go is imperative for healing. They are by no means the same thing. Letting go is an internal process. Self referented. Forgiveness is an external process, focusing on someone else. Forgiveness forces us to attempt to understand WHY someone made the choices they did. Often, that is impossible, because many choices are old soul patterns, Karmic opportunities to grow. We set people up to fail, and invite them into codependency when we ask them to come to grips with the choices some souls make, to murder, to rape, to molest children.
A word here about Karma. Karma is a concept that is very often misunderstood. It is, quite simply, the Law of Action. It is the Law of Correspondences, that for every action there is a consequence. It is about Free Will, choice, and how the soul grows or doesn’t grow, in any given moment. We have eternity to do our spiritual work. The Earth Plane offers us an opportunity to do that. It is a classroom for the soul. Every thought, action, feeling, or choice is either creating or clearing Karma. The whole concept of forgiveness implies that one has the responsibility to clear the Karma another soul has created for themselves through their actions. That brings the concept of codependency to a whole new level. Accepting the souls Free Will is hard enough, when it’s your child, your spouse, your friend making self-destructive choices that we can see are going to end badly for them. Feeling responsible for their soul’s healing is a terrible burden to place on anyone.
Forgiveness as a concept has been used by many to evade taking responsibility for actions that caused pain and suffering for others. Some examples of this are: A father who walked away from his wife and children, after a series of affairs, remarried, started a new family and new life. Had no contact with his children for 10 years, contributing nothing in the way of emotional or financial support. No contact, no love, nothing. He then finds God, contacts his children, expresses no remorse for his actions, and after being held accountable by his children, SHAMES them for not forgiving him, and walks away again feeling smug and superior after causing yet more damage. An elderly woman who was raped daily as a child by her father tells me that she gets up every morning with grief and pain around her incest, and her religion tells her she has to forgive her offender. She prays as hard as she can, but has to do it again every single day of her life. No tools are given to her about healing the trauma and terror of her childhood. Just that platitude that does nothing to help her to be free of the scars on her energy body. It does not show anyone how to let go, how to become empowered, or how to be made whole. How to break our Karmic link with someone through releasing them, handing them over to Spirit, is the next step in healing.
Learning to let go shifts our focus back to where it belongs, to ourselves. Letting go is empowering. Freeing. Liberating. It has no judgement about the other person in it at all. We shouldn’t be looking at them, at what they chose to do. The Creator has endowed each human with Free Will. What someone chooses to do with that is up to them. How we choose to deal with it is up to us.
We are not defined by what has happened to us. It’s what we do with it that matters. Letting go means having the courage to feel your feelings about something, and accepting the reality of it. The truth of it. Seeing the truth about someone’s choices. That step is the hardest one, I think. A very wise Master Teacher once said “The truth shall set you free.” Seeing the truth about someone, and ACCEPTING IT, is the first step towards letting go. To reclaiming serenity and peace. Let’s face it, people are going to do what they’re going to do. Each soul is on it’s own evolutionary journey. Trying to understand WHY people choose certain actions will drive you crazy. ACCEPTING those choices without attempting to understand them allows us to release people, and move forward.
I’ve always taught that you can’t get a positive out of a negative. You can’t. It’s not possible. Forgiveness has it’s roots in judgement. Morality. What’s right, and what’s wrong. Nothing positive or healing can come out of judgement, no matter how you dress it up. But that’s religion for you, it judges everything. Letting go, on the other hand, is not looking at the other person at all. No judgement. It is happening organically, inside of the self.
I think the concept of forgiveness is rooted in codependency. That somehow our healing process is bound up with someone else’s choices, someone else’s journey, someone else’s lessons, and we can’t go free until we have granted them a pardon. That whole concept is deeply flawed. It denies Karmic Law.
Our healing journey belongs to us. We are children of God, as is everyone. Leave it up to the Creator to absolve, to pardon, it is not our place to do that. Trust that every action is recorded in the Akashic Records. No one outruns the Karma Police. Every Soul is held accountable in the end. But not by us. Leave the job of judging and of absolution to the Creator. Be relieved of that burden. Let go, and go free into the joyful life you were always meant to have. Stay focused on your own choices, your own evolution. Live from love, and leave the rest up to Spirit.
Blessings, Judith Star-Medicine